Parents
and
Family

You know,

when humans come into the world they can't do much.

They know how to work their lungs with wailing,

they know how to suck and swallow,

and they know how to kick a bit, but not much more,

and they have to be looked after day and night.

Then, as they grow bigger they learn to do more and more things for themselves.

And as they grow, they grow from always being told what to do to learning how to say 'No'.

There comes a time when they want to decide what they do for themselves,

it is how they find out who they are.

Humans will always want to know themselves,

the person that is different from all the other people.

That is part of what it is to be a human,

and it is the self that the human needs to control

to live within the Deen.

But while they are learning that control,

each self will argue to make its point

and fight to get its way.

So as children fight to get their way,

trying to learn who they are,

the people most likely to be standing in their way

are their parents.

It doesn't matter that the parents may know best, if they tell a child what to do

the child can see them not as loving carers

but something less flattering, like dictators or jailers.

People can easily forget the past

and challenge those who have always looked after them.

They don't remember when they could do nothing

and needed to be fed,

washed and dressed,

sheltered and protected,

but although their parents took care of them for love alone,

children do owe parents a debt of thanks

which they show as good manners

in the Deen of the way they treat their family.

Now, different times and places have different ways for children to show good manners to their families,

and of course there are more people in their families than just their parents.

They have grandparents,

aunts and uncles,

and closest of all, brothers and sisters.

All these should be treated with love,

and kindness, and tolerance and generosity,

But there is something extra that they owe to their parents and elder relatives who care for them.

At first, when young, they have to show obedience, and do as they are told,

then later when they are grown and their parents are old and weak,

it may be that they will need to look after them

in ways much like they did for them when they were small

and could not look after themselves.

But whatever the way it is considered best to show good manners,

all humans for all of their lives should live

in a way that shows their parents an Adab of Respect,

and as God tells us through the Qur'an

that we should even talk to our enemies in the gentlest manner,

how much more gentle and polite we should be

when dealing with the ones who brought us into the world

and cared for us when we had nothing.